Hands Resist Him
by Marina Yano
Summary: This story is just a idea my friend had Not really sure if he qualifies as a friend , he wanted me to do a story about the painting Hands Resist Him. Um thats all I can really say. Enjoy :D  sorry for crappy summary
1. Chapter 1

**Authors Note:** Hi, my names Marina Yano... and this story is my first story that I wrote completely by myself(before I used to just edit peoples stories and give them ideas). I mean the idea wasn't mine, but still JungWook(person who came up with the idea) didn't help me write this! I wrote this story excepting only two people to be reading this... and that is kind of why I'm posting it. I'm running out of inspiration to continue this story. So if there's any possibility that I will gain one more reader I would be happy. I kind of hate this story because there's no pairings in it, but I plan on writing a Style very soon... oh well enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own South Park. Trust me if I did it would be **A LOT **gayer... if that's possible... I mean Cartman tries to get Kyle to suck his balls every season, he also put Butter's fireman in his mouth, and oh don't forget that the two super best friends hold each other in their arms crying and saying I love you.

**Summary: **This story is about Cartman receiving a haunted painting called Hands Resist Him from his mother. Its a real painting, look its story up on Google or Bing if you want. I'll probably be explaining it in the story anyways... This story idea is from JungWook SirWook, well he asked me(begged me) to write it for him... along with an anime and a manga that has to do with the painting. I ended up going with just the story. Anyway there's probably a lot of conversations that come from actual episodes... that has to do with the fact that I've watched South Park so many times I've managed to subconsciously add actual scenes from the episodes into this... I'm not kidding

anyways enjoy! :3

**Hands Resist Him**

**Third Person**

Cartman sat on his couch munching on cheesy poofs while dully watching as the T.V. switched to a commercial.

"God dammit..." he muttered angrily as he took his hand out of the bag of cheesy poofs that was now empty. After crumbling up his bag and throwing it out of frustration he let out a groan realizing he was going to have to go get more... or maybe not.

"Mom! Can you go make me a toaster pastry chocolate-mix butter bar?" he called out changing his voice, pretending to be the sweet little boy his mother believed him to be.

"Mummy's busy right now honey." her voice came echoing from somewhere in the house.

"But muuuuum," he whined, "I **really** want a toaster pastry chocolate-mix butter bar."

"Oh, honey, why don't you make it yourself? Mummy's buying you a present right now." his mothers voice echoed once more.

"A present?" the fat boy asked himself, "Score!"

Eric triumphantly got off the couch and walked into the kitchen.

"I bet its that new game for the Wii!" he said as he continued to think up all the possibilities of what his present might be.

Grabbing a stool he set it in front of the kitchen counter to grab the Pop Toasties and put them in the toaster. While doing this Cartman thought about bragging about his present to his friends. He let out a happy sigh thinking about them being jealous, oh how he hated them... especially the stupid Jew rat. Opening the refrigerator he took out the powdered chocolate milk and a stick of butter, rolling the butter in the powdered milk he gets the Pop Toasties and places the chocolate-covered butter between the two Pop Toasties.

Scarfing down the calorie dynamite in a matter of seconds, he went back to imagining Kyle envying him.

_'Oh how he would love to get his filthy little Jew hands on my present and steal it for himself,' _smirking at the idea of Kyle being desperate to have what Cartman had, 'S_orry Kyle, but I can't let you do that. You big dumb Jew.' _

As he sat himself down in front of the TV he saw Terrance and Phillip were back from the commercial, but he found it hard to pay attention as his sadistic side took over. Oh how great it would be to see his friends crying... oh so delightful.

"Please God, let Kyle cry. No screw that... **make** him cry!" Cartman pleaded.

After his 'praying' secession the Nazi went back to watching the show.

Terrance and Phillip were dressed up as detectives, while they looked at a corpse with a dagger stabbed into its chest.

"Say Terrance, this body appears to have been moved since the murder." Phillip pointed out, "Look at the forensic evidence around the torso."

"Where?" Terrance asked looking closer at the body to get a better look, "I don't see anything."

"Look closer."

Terrance looks closer.

"Closer."

Cartman stared at the screen already knowing what was going to happen... Phillip was going to fart on Terrance and laugh hysterically... he was getting too old for this.

Terrance bends down further and is surprised when Phillip holds his head down even closer to the dead man.

"Hunh-nh." Phillip grunts.

"I still don't see anything, Phillip." the noirette mutters getting impatient.

"Wait wait." The blond then grunts again, "Hunh."

"Keep looking, Terrance. The forensic evidence is right around here." The blond grunts as he lets out a fart, laughing uncontrollably until he stops when he opens his eyes to discover the raven haired boy isn't there. "Huh?"

The camera then pulls back to reveal Terrance standing on a stool. The blonds beady eyes widen as he looks up to see Terrance ready to fart on him. As the noirette lets loose Phillip is blown into a nearby wall, and then falls on his side.

"Ah!" The blond shouts as he hits the wall.

The camera is then shifted back to Terrance and then to Phillip then back out to the two of them.

Both boys eye each other for a silent moment until both boys let out a long, loud laugh.

"Whoa! That totally surprised me!" the fat brunette shocked that it hadn't turned out as he predicted, "I can't believe how the show manages to stay so fresh."


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors Note:** Sorry about the mix up with the chapter(Sillybunfun thanks for telling me!) D: I will be updating every two days or so :D I have no idea how long this story will be... but enjoy! Also I wanted to thank SweetSinister for my first review(and only so far)! I thought I was going to die of happiness! And I wanted to thank all my readers as well!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own South Park. Trust me if I did it would be **A LOT **gayer... if that's possible... I mean Cartman tries to get Kyle to suck his balls every season, he also put Butter's fireman in his mouth, and oh don't forget that the two super best friends hold each other in their arms crying and saying I love you.

**Summary: **This story is about Cartman receiving a haunted painting called Hands Resist Him from his mother. Its a real painting, look its story up on Google or Bing if you want. I'll probably be explaining it in the story anyways... This story idea is from JungWook SirWook, well he asked me(begged me) to write it for him... along with an anime and a manga that has to do with the painting. I ended up going with just the story. Anyway there's probably a lot of conversations that come from actual episodes... that has to do with the fact that I've watched South Park so many times I've managed to subconsciously add actual scenes from the episodes into this... I'm not kidding

anyways enjoy! :3

**Cartman's P.O.V.**

The stupid bitch... it's been a week and she still won't tell me what the present is. That's it, I'm going to have to kill her. It will be easy I just need to call up Kenny, Kyle, and Stan. Once their here I will get Stan to put the pillow to her face while she's sleeping and Kenny can stab her with one of our kitchen knives... and Kyle will be the escape goat!

I walked over to the telephone and rang Kyle up. A few seconds later the Jew's ugly kike mom answers the phone.

"Hello, Broflovski residence." the fat ugly bitch replied.

"Is Kyle there?" I asked faking a sweeter voice than my usual sarcastic mocking one.

"Oh Bubbie is upstairs playing with his friend right now." probably Stan, stupid hippie, "I'll call him down here for you."

I looked around my room as I impatiently waited for the Jew to be put on the line . 'God dammit... what's taking him so long!'

"Bubbie! Someone's on the phone for you!" her voice pierced my ears and I cursed inwardly... stupid fat kike.

"Who is it?" Kyle asked his mother. Footsteps could be heard, so he was probably coming down the stairs.

Without answering her sons question, Sheila handed the phone over to her son returning to whatever she was doing before the call.

"Hello?" the red head asked leaning against the table the phone rested on.

"Sup Jew. What took you so long? You and your hippie boyfriend making out?" smirking as I listened as Kyle let out a angry breath.

"Shut up fatass! I wasn't with Stan! I was with Kenny!" Kyle shouted. Good I was pissing him off.

"Bubbie, language!" the fat bitches voice could be heard over the line scolding her son.

"I'm not fat, I just haven't grown into my body yet you skinny Jew bitch! And who knew greedy money grabbing Jews such as you actually dig poor scum like Kinneh." my grin widened as I closed my eyes and imagined the fuming red head on the other end of the phone.

"Cartman!" His voice then became quieter as his mom told him not to yell, "Stop the gay jokes... Kenny and I were just watching the new episode of Terrance and Phillip."

"There's a new episode of Terrance and Phillip?" I didn't know that, "I thought they only aired on Saturdays?"

"Yeah, but Kenny and I both missed it because we got kidnapped by the Germans last week, remember?" the Jew explained as if it was natural, which it was. Nothing was odd when it came to South Park.

"Remind me to send the Germans a fruit basket. For getting rid of you for a week and for Hitler." Ah how great it was to be rid of the Jew and po' boy,

"Your such an asshole Cartman, its unbelievable." the Jew mumbled. After about ten seconds of ranting about how they could have died and how serious it was he finally shut up after I let out a bored sigh, "So what is it you wanted fatass? The commercial break is going to end soon, so hurry up."

I ignored the fatass comment and went straight to business.

"Kyle, I've come to a decision: I'm going to have to kill my mother." I waited for the Jews response, but when I didn't get one I continued on.

"All right now, here's the plan. At 9:45 tonight we all sneak out of our rooms and leave our houses after are parents tuck us in and kiss us good night. We meet up in my backyard at 10:00 pm. sharp. And then all four of us go upstairs to kill my mom."

After another long silence Kyle finally replied. "Dude, don't kill your mom. That's not cool."

"We have to kill her Kyle! Don't you understand that she's a danger to us all?" I knew the stupid Jew wouldn't cooperate, "When we reach her room all he have to do is put a pillow over her head and stab her or shoot her!"

"Cartman, I'm not going to help you kill your mom. And how is she a danger to us? What is she going to cook us all pie to make us fat like you." I swear I could kill the Jew right now...

"Listen Kahl," I dragged his name out just to annoy him, "my mom is hiding something from me. Something very important. By not killing her were putting the whole town in danger, Kahl! Don't you understand! We must get rid of her before its too late!"

In the background Cartman could here a muffled voice say something like, "Hey, Kyle the commercials ended!"

"Go fuck yourself, Cartman. I'm not helping you kill your mom, and that's final." with that the Jew rat hung up the phone.

"God dammit!" I shouted into the phone, "Suck my asshole, you son of a bitch!"

As I hung up the phone, I scoffed angrily when it started ringing again. Probably stupid Jew calling back to beg for my forgiveness.

_'Stupid Jew is scared of how strong and cool I am.' _

The angry scowl on my face disappeared and was replaced by a smile as the idea popped up into my head. So when I picked up the phone I was surprised to hear my mom on the other end.

Shit! What if Kyle decided to betray me and called my mother to tell her about the plan! No no, I just finished talking to the day walker that's impossible, but maybe he used his Jew powers to-

"Uh, sweetie pie?" Oh! My mom, I forgot she was still on the line with me... I have to be careful not to slip up. Make no mistake, that sneaky Jew rat has something planned, "Are you there?"

"Yes mom?" I grimaced at the sweetness of my voice.

"I was just calling to let you know your present is arriving today!" the present! Ah- I guess I'll have to cancel my plan to murder her, "I'll be home at around 4:30, okay honey?"

"Yes mom." We made a little bit of small talk on how are day was and I lied that school was fun and that I had to help the Jew because his grades sucked... which was sadly anything but the truth. With that I hung up and put the phone back. 1:30... so only about an hour left! I can't wait to see the envy in their eyes. I looked back up at the ceiling and prayed to God or whatever deity that was up there to let them cry.

As I walked upstairs to my bedroom I thought of a way I can show off my present as soon as possible... Its got to be awesome, she's had me waiting for like almost a week now. And when I get it they will all desire to have my present, but you know what? They won't be able to get it! Ah- I can just see them suffering now, like that kid who called me chubby last week. I'm sure little Timmy is going to have a tough time walking from now on.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors Note:** Sorry if theres errors! Anyway enjoy, and thanks for reading! I almost died when you awesome people sent me reviews and messages :D

**Disclaimer:** I do not own South Park. Trust me if I did it would be **A LOT **gayer... if that's possible... I mean Cartman tries to get Kyle to suck his balls every season, he also put Butter's fireman in his mouth, and oh don't forget that the two super best friends hold each other in their arms crying and saying I love you.

**Summary: **This story is about Cartman receiving a haunted painting called Hands Resist Him from his mother. Its a real painting, look its story up on Google or Bing if you want. I'll probably be explaining it in the story anyways... This story idea is from JungWook SirWook, well he asked me(begged me) to write it for him... along with an anime and a manga that has to do with the painting. I ended up going with just the story. Anyway there's probably a lot of conversations that come from actual episodes... that has to do with the fact that I've watched South Park so many times I've managed to subconsciously add actual scenes from the episodes into this... I'm not kidding

anyways enjoy! :3

**Kyle's P.O.V.**

I flew up the stairs as soon as I heard the two voices of the Canadians and Kenny's laughter fill the house. When I entered my room Terrance and Phillip were looking for treasure... again.

I quietly joined Kenny on my bed as we both snickered at the fart jokes that never seemed to get old. After a while it went back to another commercial. The first one was about some dish detergent, so I tuned out and started a conversation about the phone call from fatass. I got as far as to explaining about how he wanted to kill his mom for some ridiculous reason, but when I looked to my side at the blue eyed boy that was lying face down next to me in his usual orange parka. His messy blond hair poked out of his hood. I continued to stare as I realized something was strange, I tapped his shoulder and his head rolled to the side.

"Kenny?" I tapped him again when he didn't respond, "Kenny?" grabbing his shoulder I shook him causing his hood to slid off his head, but his body remained limp

I let out a stream of obscenities before attempting to see if he was breathing, when I put two of my fingers under his nose I felt no breath and let out a small sigh.

"Oh my god! They killed Kenny!" I turned to see the noirette standing in my bedroom door with a wide smile on his face. Normally when your friends are dead you shouldn't be wearing a shit eating grin, but this is the first time I have seen Stan since my kidnapping. Cut me some slack.

"You bastards!" I yelled at the screen with mock anger.

Stan walks into my room and stops when he gets to Kenny who remains lying on my bed next to me, lifeless. "He's faking it."

"What?" I look back at Kenny and narrow my eyes and finally see the slightest hint of breathing "Tch! You bastard Kenny! Don't do that!"

Lifting his head from the bed he wore a smile that mirrored Stan's. "I'm a bastard? All you did was check if I was breathing and then yelled at the screen for killing me. I could have seriously been dead you know, and yet I get no tears from Kyle. Ouch your going to make me cry." His head that was usually hooded was now completely exposed due to my attempt to see if he was alive, next time I checking for his pulse. His hair was all over the place, and me being anal gave me the urge to comb it.

Ignoring Kenny's guilt speech I looked up at Stan and asked how last week was being stuck with Cartman.

"Aw- awwww don't even remind me." he pleaded as he pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes shut as he concentrated on getting rid of any memories of last week. Knowing it was about fatass I knew it had to be bad. "You know Billy Turner the third grader?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"He handcuffed his ankle to a flagpole and then gave him a hacksaw, telling him he had poisoned his lunch milk and that the only way he could get to the antidote in time would be to saw through his leg." Stan rubbed the bridge of his nose as if even the thought of it gave him a headache, it probably did. "God dammit... we should have never showed Saw to that fat bastard!"

"At least he didn't do it to you," maybe getting kidnapped by the Germans wasn't too bad, "if I was with him instead of you he would have used me as his guinea pig for his 'game'." I shuttered at the thought.

"Dude, I'm sure Cartman wouldn't use you as a guinea-" Stan started but stopped when he realized how stupid he sounded.

_'Of course fatass would do that to Kyle. Well something much worse... and smarter at that.'_

"Damn... I wouldn't mind her riding on my train till all the passengers came out..." Kenny let out a happy sigh as he watched the women in bikinis for some sex chat hot line. "Mm-mm..." Kenny licked his lips and closed his eyes.

"What's he talking about?" I can never understand what Kenny's talking about, with or without his hood. "Stan?"

"I think he means his fireman..." he whispered, "you know what I'm talking about?"

I paused to think about it and then nodded. "Aw-awww, sick dude!"

Kenny tore his eyes off the television set just for a moment to flash me a smile that could give Cheshire the Wonderland cat a run for his money. Pervert.

Stan followed Kenny's eyes back to the screen as I seemed to have grown a peculiar interest to my carpet.

_'Sweet Abraham, were only nine and Kenny already knows more about sex than I know about science...'_

"God dammit." Kenny muttered as the Ad ended.

Stan looked back at Kyle who still had his eyes fixed on the floor, "It's over now."

'_How could anyone think Kyle was a sex addict?' _Stan laughed at the memory then went back to watching T.V.

About 30 minutes later.

"Bubbie!" my mom called from down stairs, "Your friend is asking for you on the telephone!"

Uck… what does the prejudice son of a bitch want now. I quickly ran down the stairs and took the phone from my mother who gave me a questioning look as she walked back into the kitchen. What was that about?

"Fatass," I spat out like venom, "what do you want now?"

"Kahl, I have great news!"

"Your dying?" I said in a voice that feigned excitement, though if he was actually dying then I wouldn't be faking anything. Ah- what a magnificent day that would be.

"Ay! Shut your Goddamn' Jew mouth!" he snapped angrily before going back to the cheery fraud, "My mom promised me she was going to buy me KFC! If you guys come over right now then we can all share."

My mouth dropped open, even though he sounded mad… he just said share, share KFC? No, there is no way am I going to fall for one of his stupid tricks, "What the hell are you planning."

I could feel my eyes narrow, and there was a silence on the other end until the Nazi finally choked out, "What do you mean, Kahl?"

"You know god damn well what I mean, Cartman." I hissed into the phone after throwing a look over my shoulder to see if anyone was listening to our conversation. The last thing I needed was to be grounded for being foul-mouthed when I'm around this smug, spoiled, ill-tempered, violent, insensitive, cruel, psychopathic, arrogant, greedy, racist, sexist, rude, hypocritical, insecure, sadistic, corrupted, and manipulative fat fuck.

'_Does he really think I'm that stupid?' _

"Kahl, I don't know what your talking about?" Ah see he's playing dumb now. Well I guess you couldn't call it playing.

" Listen to me very carefully and tell me what's wrong with this sentence." I cough and then try my best to sound like a human whale, "My mom promised me she was going to buy me KFC! If you guys come over right now then we can all share."

"Oh I get it, Jews suck at impersonations. I'm glad your finally able to embrace your disability."

"Graaggh! Don't belittle my people you fat fuck!" I screamed, he makes my freaking skin crawl. I took in a deep breath to calm down as another silence takes over the line. I looked around suspiciously expecting my mom to pop out of nowhere and start scolding me about having a potty mouth, but then my eyes caught that the car keys were missing from there usual spot. Must have went grocery shopping. "That's not what I meant!"

"Then what do you mean?" great just keep being stupid, "There's nothing wrong with what I just said? You need to get that sand out of your vagina, Kahl. It's making you irritable. Does it itch?"

I should really just hang up, but I'm a little curious what made Cartman think I would believe that he wanted to be 'generous' by giving us food. "I meant you sharing food, let again fried chicken-"

I felt something clamp down on my shoulder.

"Agh!" I quickly turned around to come face to face with a very shocked Stan.

"Kyle, you okay dude?" he gave me a questioning look. Funny, that's the same look my mother gave me.

"Y-yeah." I let out a shaky breath, "You just scared the living shit out of me, bastard. Ha." letting out a awkward laugh. I took another deep breath., to calm down and make sure I didn't have a heart attack.

Stan took the phone out of my hand and pressed the speaker button, walking over to the couch to sit down I followed after him. Cartman's voice then filled up the whole house.

"Hello? Hello? Hey Jew you still there? Stupid ginger answer me when I'm talking to you! Hello? Dude seriously this is really lame, so stop it like right now! I'm seriously! Hello? Kahl… Oh Kahl~ Grah! I'm going to kick you in the nuts if you don't stop being such a Jew! God dammit! I'm going to hang up now Kahl… no KFC for your scrawny lil' Jew bitch. Wave goodbye to the chicken kosher boy. I bet Stan and Kenny would murder you if they knew that you denied them the possibility of eating delicious, yummy-"

"I wouldn't kill Kyle, fatass. Not everyone's top priority is to eat." Stan barked into the phone taking it off speaker mode.

I looked at the noirette curiously as he stood up and started pacing in front of the couch.

"Yeah?" he stopped pacing for a moment and nodded. I strained my ears trying to catch what Cartman was saying, giving up I mouthed 'What's he saying?".

The raven hair boy raised one hand into the air in a gesture that either meant 'high five' or 'wait one second'. Probably the latter…

"No? Uh, I guess. Did you tell him?" Stan then plopped down back on the couch nearly squishing me, rolling my eyes as he gave me an apologetic look.

Now that Stan was sitting right next to me about a foot away, I could slightly make out the voice of the one and only racist lard. I inched closer and his voice came out clearer this time.

"Right now?" the noirette questioned. There was silence again on our side, knowing fatass was talking I moved another inch closer. Stan let out a frustrated sigh, "God dammit Cartman don't be such a smart ass. Why are you inviting us anyways?"

Getting impatient I closed half the distance between us, earning a new look from Stan.

'Put on speaker phone.' I mouthed, only to get a hand in my face again.

"Dude we will be right there." What? Were going to Cartman's house?

"No" I whispered, "Stan, listen to me. We can't go to his hou-"

"Shh, can you shut up for just a moment?" the noirette rolled his eyes annoyed by my countless interruptions. His hand that wasn't holding **my** phone was keeping me from talking... unless I licked him or something.

_'Ha! He's the one who took the phone from me! Like hell I'm the one that interrupted him!' _

I reminded myself I was overreacting, Stan hadn't mentioned anything about me being rude.

_'Yeah, he just told me to shut up..."_

Ah- that's worse, but yeah I'm overreacting. Sue me.

Stan removed his hand and went back to talking to Cartman.

"What times your mom going to be there with the chicken?" another short pause, "1:30?"

"It's 12:45 right no-mfg." The noirette put his arm around my neck, slamming his hand over my mouth. I turned red with anger.

_'The fuck!'_

Without thinking twice I opened my mouth and bit down on his palm, gaining a painful cry from Stan.

"Dude, you just bit me!" giving me a small glare before he examined the bite mark. It was nothing really, I didn't even break the skin... which is a good thing. Stan is my friend even though sometimes he can bug the living shit out of me.

His arm was still around my neck, and as soon as he determined that his hand was fine he put it back to cover my mouth. I gave him another glare and he smiled at me. Fatass must have rubbed some of his 'charm' on him last week. Grabbing it he pressed speaker. I could hear Cartman's voice clearly now, and my blood boiled. I squeezed my eyes tightly shut to stay calm and try not kill anybody. Maybe its better not hearing his voice...

"-my god! The Jew bit you? Stan… you have about two hours until you start getting the symptoms." I am going to kill fatass as soon as I set foot in his house. "Your probably going to start out with an obsession for money, then-

"Judaism isn't some sort of disease!" I yelled though my voice was getting muffled up by Stan's chest, "You don't know anything about my people, fatass!"

"Ay! I know enough about those sneaky beady eyed kikes to exploit them! And since when have you cared about the Jew's, Kinneh?"

"Just because my voice is muffled doesn't mean I'm Kenny, ass wipe!" I looked at Stan who just looked down at me with a look that said "What?".

_'Was it really that hard to see that I meant release me?"_

"Well how I am I supposed to tell the difference between Kenny's voice and yours when your sucking Stan's dick?" the whale snapped. "Sounds all the same-"

"Aw-aww, sick dude." the noirette squeezed his eyes shut, "Really, Cartman? Really?"

"Well, its true." now there's Kenny, "The position you guys are in is kind of questionable. Just need to rise Kyle's shirt up a little and then take one of his arms to his back and get on top of him-"

"_That's completely changing the way we are now!" _I shouted... but it came out more like, "Mgh mfg mg hf mph mmm mghht."

Plopping down next to me the blond gave a smirk, "Mind if I join?"

"Fuck you, Kenny." Stan then pushed me away in the direction of Kenny, who grabbed me before I fell off the couch.

"Were only like nine you perverts, stop with all the gay jokes." I really wish the US government hadn't saved us… Germany looked promising. Well at least a lot better then being stuck in this PO-dunk town.


End file.
